Category Archives: setting goals

Taking Risks

Obviously, I’m a big believer in pursuing dreams. I encourage my own children to pursue their passions and set goals for reaching those dreams. At one point, my son wanted to be a director. I encouraged him, gave him tools that would help him. Eventually, that dream faded. And that’s okay. I’ve seen sparks of it coming back to life. Some dreams fade. Some dreams change and morph. Some grow more intense.

When I was a kid my dream was to be a Highlandette, which was my high school’s dance/drill team. I would march around my house as an eight-year-old, kicking my skinny legs and smiling wide just like a high-stepping Highlandette. I remember going to the football games with my family on Friday nights and watching the Highlandettes march out onto the field during half time. I dreamed I’d one day march onto the field wearing that red starched skirt and white boots and the audience would stand and cheer.

For many years I took dance and started teaching at my local dance studio when I entered high school. So I was well prepared when the time came to try out for Highlandettes at the end of my sophomore year. For two weeks we practiced after school, learning the routines. The tryout was in two phases. Cuts would be made, then another tryout for the selection of 55 girls who would be the next group of Highlandettes.

I made it through the first cut. But some of my friends didn’t. They were crying, and I was rattled. Before I’d dried my own tears and finished hugging those who had been cut, I was called to start the next phase of the tryout. My heart was back in the locker room with my friends. Suddenly I couldn’t remember the routine. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I marched out of the gym, knowing I hadn’t made the team. I was heartbroken.

For days I cried. My mother said, “Get over it.” And maybe I should have. But during the next year, I learned a valuable lesson. One week I would think, “I’m not going to try out again. No way.” But then I’d see my friends who were now Highlandettes performing, I’d remember my dream, and I’d change my mind. I did want to be a Highlandette. But I was afraid. I was afraid I’d fail again and there would be no other chance. Slowly over the year, I came to the realization that it was my last chance to become a Highlandette, and a solid determination formed inside me.

The end of my junior year in high school, I started the two weeks of learning the routines. It was during one of those practices that I pulled my hamstring. It’s very hard to do a high kick routine with a pulled hamstring. But I pampered my leg, wrapped it well, and kept focused on my goal.

Nothing was going to distract me. Nothing. So the day of the tryouts, I prayed, “Please, God, no matter what happens, let me be satisfied with my performance.” You see, during the last year, that’s what had eaten a hole in my heart, knowing I hadn’t done my best in the final tryout. I didn’t want to have any regrets. I wanted to give it my all.

All these many years later, the lessons I learned during my last two years of high school have become almost a mantra for me in the pursuit of my dream of writing. You see, I learned to focus on my goal. I’m talking laser focus. And I learned to never give up that dream. Hang onto it, nurture it, go for it with everything you have.

Well, I suppose you’re wondering how that tryout turned out. I will say that I marched out of the gym with a smile on my face. I was proud of my performance. I could live with that. No matter what. The next day, when I drove to the high school to await the names being posted in the school’s windows, I held my breath. Four posters were taped to the windows at exactly 2:00pm. I scanned each one, but my name wasn’t there.

Even though my heart was sinking fast, I lifted my chin, determined to be proud of my performance anyway, and I turned to leave, stopping to congratulate my friends who had made the team. Then, a girl named Cindy called my name. She hugged me. She was crying and smiling. I could feel my heart breaking because I knew she had made the team. But she kept hugging me, looking at me strangely. My brain slowly clicked into what she was saying, “You made it!”

“No,” I told her. “My name’s not up there.”

So together we looked at the posters. “No,” she said, “down here.”

I hadn’t seen the fifth poster in the last window. And there it was – my name – I was a Highlandette. The first of many of my dreams had come true.

I bet you have a dream too. Reaching a dream isn’t easy. It demands focus and giving you’re all. But it also requires you not to give up, to take risks. So hang on, try again, keep trying until you see that dream become a reality.

Dream Big

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When I was just starting out writing, I knew other beginning writers who would say, “Just writing a book is an accomplishment.” I agreed but then again…I didn’t agree. My dream wasn’t just to write a book (that was step one of many to get to my dream), but my dream was to be published by a real print publisher, preferably by a New York publishing house. That was my dream. By the way, those who said that statement about just completing a book only did that. They never went on to publish. So be careful how you phrase your dream.

When you are deciding, committing and disciplining yourself about your dream, be specific what that dream is. Yes, it is an accomplishment to complete a book. And if you are pursuing publication, then once you reach ‘The End’ of that very first book, you definitely deserve a celebration! But don’t pat yourself too hard on the back and for too long. The hard work is just beginning. Writing, someone famous once said, is rewriting.

Whenever you are pursuing a BIG goal, there are many smaller goals along the way that must be achieved. It’s all a building block and foundation for the bigger dream. Write those down, think about them, pursue each one passionately. Each step forward will put you that much closer to your goal. I’ve even known very visual folks who drew a map and marked off sections they completed so they could see how they were closing in on their dream.

So are you ready to share your dream? What do you want to do? If you still don’t know? What are you doing to figure that out?

Got a dream? Part 3

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We’ve talked about making THE decision and making a commitment to pursue your dreams. So, let’s talk about the third thing it requires to pursue your dream.

Discipline. This is a huge topic and we may have to revisit this one later. But it takes discipline to pursue a dream. Malcolm Gladwell who wrote The Tipping Point says it takes 10,000 hours to get good at something. 10,000 hours. Think about it. That’s a lot of time. If you worked on your dream 40 hours for 52 weeks of the year, that’s a little over 2,000 hours. At that pace it’s gonna take roughly 5 years to get to 10,000 hours. Now don’t get discouraged. Remember, you’ve made a decision. You’ve committed. And now you gotta get as tough as a drill sergeant. Olympic athletes discipline themselves in how they work out, eat, and challenge themselves beyond their endurance. Any athlete who has won the gold medal would say, “It’s worth it.” At some point they had to get disciplined. Discipline is a muscle and requires working out to strengthen it. You won’t be disciplined over night. You’ll mess up. But recommit and begin again. Discipline yourself.

If you struggle with this area, we will talk about this some more because there are strategies for becoming more disciplined. But for now, begin. And if you need someone to help you, a partner in crime, so to speak, try to find someone you can trust with your dream (remember, no one who is going to laugh or harass) and ask that person to keep you accountable. Maybe you can help your friend if he or she is struggling too.

So does discipline come easily for you? Or do you struggle? What are some techniques that have helped you be more disciplined?

CONTEST:
Leave a post and I’ll draw a winner on Friday for a free book!

Got a dream?

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(This is a continuation of yesterday’s post: What it takes to go for your dreams)

So you’ve made a decision, right? You’re going to pursue your dream. Or you’re going to find out what that dream is. It all starts with a decision.

But what’s next? So you’re sitting on the couch, checking email, maybe googling how to climb Mt. Everest or where to find local writers groups. But what next? What to do? Don’t get up from the couch just yet. The next thing you need to do is make a commitment.

Yes, I know, you said you made a decision. Yay! That’s great! That’s the first step. But frankly, millions of folks decide on New Year’s Resolutions every January, but it takes more than a decision. It takes a commitment.

You have to push beyond all the questions and doubts and fears. Those are roadblocks that are going to immediately pop up in your path. Here’s a decision I often make: I’m going to get up at five a.m. and write. That is a sure-fire guarantee that one of my kids is going to wake up sick in the night or the cat is going to wake me. If you make a decision, a roadblock is going to immediately pop up and block your way. What are you going to do? Sleep in? Get up anyway? Commitment will get you out of bed when the alarm goes off and you’re muzzy headed and bleary eyed.

Or maybe you have different roadblocks. Maybe your mother just called as if she instinctively knew you made a decision to chase down that ridiculous dream you’ve talked about on and off since you were six. And she sets you straight. “You,” she says, “have responsibilities. You don’t have time to go chase a dream. Forget it. Be responsible.” Maybe pursuing your dream is being responsible to your Maker who planted that dream in your heart.

Or maybe as soon as you made the decision that little voice inside you started talking. Come on, you know the voice. It says, “Who do you think you are? You’re no (fill in the blank—writer, doctor, mountain climber, etc…). You’re too (fill in the blank—stupid, lazy, broke, etc…) to do that!” Don’t listen. Plug your ears, sing, “lalalala” and ignore that voice. It’s been telling you what to do for way too long.

Or maybe you mention your decision to your husband/boyfriend/significant other/best friend and they give you that look. You know, the look that says that’s ridiculous. S/he doesn’t have to say it but you know what s/he’s thinking, “Here goes another hair-brained idea.” Or maybe, “We can’t afford that!” Well, I can’t tell you what to do about your relationships but relationships should be supportive and encouraging. Or maybe that person laughs at your dream. Really, are you going to listen to that person? They’re probably too scared to pursue their own dreams.

Back to the commitment. This is a solemn commitment to yourself as sacred as a marriage vow that you are going to devote time, resources (including money), and courage to pursuing this dream. It’s not for Mom or Dad, hubby or kids, or best friend or worst enemy. This commitment is for you. If you’re a believer then make the commitment to God. I believe God planted that dream in your heart, so give it to Him, commit to follow that dream wholeheartedly. When I decided to write, I quit teaching. Not in the middle of the year. I fulfilled my contract. But I knew I had to commit fully to my dream of writing. Not everyone needs to take that drastic of a step, and you obviously have to figure out a way to feed yourself and live, but I made that commitment. And no, I didn’t have a husband to depend on to make the money for food and housing. I figured out a way to make it work.
Taking that step, I knew there was no going back. So, are you ready to make that commitment? If not, what’s holding you back?

CONTEST:
Make a comment and you’ll be entered for a drawing at the end of the week for a free book!

What it takes to go for your Dreams

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Do you dream of doing something spectacular, something important, something beyond the normal nine-to-five job? Maybe, like me, you dream of writing a book. Maybe you dream of dancing, or painting, or sailing around the world. Maybe you dream of making an impact by helping the homeless or orphans. Or maybe you dream of learning a foreign language, like French. Or maybe you simply dream of losing weight. Everybody dreams of something, even if it only seems like a pie-in-the-sky kind of dream. Whatever your dream is, I believe you can and should reach for your dreams.
Twenty years ago, I decided to quit teaching and become a writer. Twenty years! I can’t believe this is the anniversary year of that pinnacle decision. It changed my life in so many ways. So after pursuing my dream for 20 years, and publishing many books, I hope I have a little bit of knowledge from the hard knocks I’ve suffered and the mountains I’ve managed to climb to offer you hope and encouragement on your journey, whether that’s writing or climbing Mt. Everest.
One thing I’ve learned: sitting around and dreaming will not put you on the path to making that dream a reality. You have to get up, you have to take tiny steps forward in chasing down that dream.
The first year I taught school, there was a teacher two doors down from my classroom. She’d been teaching thirty years. The same grade. The same classroom. Now, don’t get me wrong. Teaching is a noble profession. I admire teachers. I was one. But teaching was not my dream. For some, that is their dream and I honor that. The fact was: I didn’t know then what my dream was. And maybe you don’t either. But maybe you simply feel like: what if there’s more…what if I’m missing out on something. That’s how I felt when I thought of myself in the same classroom for thirty years. One person’s dream can also be another person’s nightmare. So teaching the same grade for thirty years scared me more than the risk of trying to find what my dream might be. So during my five years of teaching, I tried to figure out what my dream might be.
So if you don’t know what your dream is, fine. Simply commit to finding out what your dream is so you can pursue it. If you do know what your dream is, then decide today that you’re going to go for it. Because that’s the first step in pursuing your dream: making a decision.
Over the next few days, I’m going to tell you the five things it takes to pursue your dream. So today, the number one thing you need to do is: make a decision. No one can decide for you. No one can push you into it. That’s why you see kids rebelling when their parent decides they should be a football player (or cheerleader or sorority member) like the parent was. Sometimes parents push their kids into their own professions, like being a doctor or dentist or even a writer. But that desire has to come from within you. It can’t be external any more than a doctor saying, “you need to stop smoking or eating fried foods.” So the patient might attempt to stop smoking or to eat healthy but until that desire throbs within their own heart it won’t work. You simply have to decide you’re going to pursue your dream.
Twenty years ago, I made a decision to become a writer. I didn’t know anything about writing. I didn’t know anything about the business. I didn’t know anyone IN the business. I simply had a dream. And I made a decision. Are you ready to make that decision?
If you don’t know, it’s okay you can just say you don’t know but you’re going to find out. Resolve to find out. Maybe we’ll discover it together. Or if you know your dream, then decide today before it’s too late to pursue that dream. So what’s your dream?

Contest: I’m going to be giving away a book at the end of the week. To enter, just post a comment on my blog here. You can enter as many times as you would like.